Attack of the Plunnies!
by The Literary Dragon
Summary: Never trust anything pink!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha

ATTACK OF THE PLUNNIES!

* * *

Inuyasha stared at the furry creature blocking their path. 

"How cute!" Kagome squealed. She knelt, cooing baby talk.

"Don't touch it!" Inuyasha yanked her away by the back of her shirt.

Shippou ventured forward on all fours, examining the small animal curiously. "It's just a bunny, isn't it?"

"It's not just any bunny," Miroku stated. "It's a plot bunny, the most feared of all creatures."

"What's a plot bunny?" Sango inspected the small animal as it twitched its nose. "And why is it pink?"

"The bite of a plot bunny has unpredictable effects," Miroku explained. "Strange things happen."

The bunny hopped forward. Shippou yelped and darted for the safety of Miroku's shoulder.

Kagome sighed in exasperation. "It's just a bunny, guys!" She reached out to pet it before anyone could stop her.

"Ouch!" Kagome shrieked. Inuyasha reacted instantly and swung Tetsusaiga. The bunny disappeared with a "poof."

"What happened, Kagome?" Sango demanded.

"It bit me!" Kagome clutched her hand to her chest.

"Let me see!" Inuyasha examined her hand. "Nothing to worry about. It's not even bleeding."

"I don't feel so good." Kagome swayed slightly.

"You're not going to get sick, are you?" Inuyasha dropped her hand and put ten feet between him and a possibly vomiting schoolgirl.

"I don't-- I don't think--" She sneezed and started to scratch her head. "My head itches!"

The bushes rustled.

"Look out!" Miroku shouted.

A swarm of cotton candy-colored bunnies burst into the open. They didn't put up much of a fight, simply vanishing in a puff of smoke when struck. But afterwards, everyone was nursing at least one bite.

"Look at Kagome!" Shippou suddenly shouted.

Everybody turned to stare.

"What's wrong? Why are you all staring at me?"

Inuyasha pointed with a shaking hand.

"What?" Kagome reached up and encountered two fuzzy ears on her head.

"You're a hanyou, Mama!" Shippou exclaimed. He clapped both hands over his mouth.

"When did you start calling Kagome Mama?" Inuyasha narrowed his eyes.

"I don't know, Papa! It just came out." Shippou looked shocked and faintly green. "I think I'd better lie down. I don't feel so good."

"I told you strange things happen with plot bunnies," Miroku said. He blinked. "Where did that come from, Lady Kagome?"

"Where did what come from?" Kagome looked down to see a small bundle in her arms. She held it away from her. "I don't know!"

Shippou hopped onto her shoulder. "It's a baby. And it has dog ears just like Inuyasha."

"It's not mine," a furiously blushing hanyou protested.

"Maybe that one's yours." Sango pointed to the second squirming bundle that had appeared in Kagome's arms. "Or that one."

"They can't be _mine_! I'm still a-- I never even--" Kagome blushed, her arms full of babies.

"That one's a wolf!" Shippou pointed. "And that one's a fox!"

"It's the attack of the plot bunnies!" Miroku exclaimed.

"It's just your imagination." Inuyasha scowled. "I was bitten and nothing's happened to me." He stopped and sniffed the air. "Hey, Kagome, are you in heat? You smell really good!"

"What?"

Inuyasha walked over to her, grabbed her by the hair, and nipped her neck.

"What are you? A vampire!" Kagome shoved him away as well as she could with her arms full.

"Of course not!" Inuyasha pulled her back to him and tried to bite her again. "Youkai always bite their mates. It's called 'marking.'"

"I never heard of that, Papa," Shippou commented. "Only blood-sucking youkai bite people and never their mates."

Inuyasha ignored him, more interested in licking Kagome's neck.

"PERVERT!"

Miroku rubbed the bump on his head while Sango glared at him.

"It's not my fault," he complained. "It's the plot bunnies!"

He inched away from the tajiya and casually goosed Kagome. She shrieked and tried to retreat without dropping babies.

"Stop that!" Inuyasha shouted.

"I can't!" His hand found its way to the hanyou's butt.

The monk crashed to the ground with a brand-new lump on his head.

"Stupid monk." Inuyasha regarded the twitching form warily.

"Get off me, Shippou," Kagome complained. "You're heavy."

The kitsune tumbled off the girl's shoulder, bounced, and got much bigger in a hurry. His clothes burst at the seams.

"You grew up fast," Miroku commented, removing his outer robe and handing it to the now full-grown and naked fox demon. The girls blushed and averted their eyes.

Shippou studied his larger hands. Suddenly, he looked at Kagome and smiled. "Now that I'm not a kid anymore, you can be my mate. I've always loved you."

"What!" Inuyasha and Kagome exclaimed at the same time.

"Hey, Inuyasha," Sango ventured, "where are _your_ ears?"

Inuyasha was distracted from trying to pound Shippou into the ground. He patted the top of his head and pulled a hank of hair forward to examine. Jet black.

"Is this another effect of the plot bunnies? It's not even the new moon!"

The bushes rustled.

Everyone spun to face the noise, readying their weapons. Kagome put the fourth baby (this one completely human-looking) with the others and put an arrow on her bow.

Sesshoumaru stepped into the open, followed by Jaken and a little girl. He coolly surveyed the rattled group of shard seekers.

"This Sesshoumaru wonders if you have noticed anything strange."

"A pink bunny bit Lord Sesshoumaru!" the little girl squealed.

"You know Rin." He indicated the girl, and continued with no change of expression, "She is my ward now, but when she comes of age, I will take her as my mate."

Everyone stared.

Kagome gagged. "She's just a child!"

Sesshoumaru shrugged. "I admit that this Sesshoumaru's tastes do not normally run to children, but she'll grow. Come along, Rin. These fools obviously know nothing. We're leaving."

Rin giggled and scampered after him, with Jaken huffing and puffing behind them.

Inuyasha spun to face Miroku. "You know something about these plot bunnies. When will their effect wear off?"

Miroku shrugged helplessly. "It's hard to say. It might be permanent."

"I don't want it to be permanent!" Kagome wailed. "How will I explain this to Mama?" She waved her hand at the four squirming, crying babies and put the fifth (a full demon) with the rest.

"Everything will be fine, koibito," Inuyasha reassured her, and then looked horrified by what he had just said.

"I don't want to be big anymore!" Shippou dropped onto the ground, kicking his feet while big tears ran down his face. "It's not fair! I'm supposed to be a little kid."

"It _will_ wear off!" Inuyasha insisted. "Everybody grab a pup... I mean brat...er, baby... ugh! Just grab one and we'll head back to Kaede's village. She'll know what to do."

"I never trusted that pink bunny," Shippou muttered.

Nobody disagreed.

**

* * *

Food for thought:** There are two periods when fishing is good: before you get there and after you leave. 

_Just something random and completely without a point. It's meant to be just a oneshot, but it may be continued if I get any funny or fangirlish inspiration. Who knows? Enjoy it and let me know what you think!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Here's another random chapter on the dangers of the plot bunny. Don't worry if it doesn't make a lot of sense. It's not supposed to._

_Enjoy!_

ATTACK OF THE PLUNNIES!

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha 

"What's that stench!" Inuyasha wrinkled his nose. The small bundle in his arms squirmed and let out a yell.

"The baby needs to be changed, Inuyasha," Kagome explained. She propped the human infant on her shoulder and patted it on the back. It burped and spit up all over her.

Inuyasha held the dog-eared baby as far away as his arms would permit. "Changed into what?"

"She means that the baby has a dirty diaper." Miroku let the ookami hanyou baby grab his finger.

Inuyasha looked outraged. "You mean this thing hasn't been housebroken?"

"It's just a baby," Miroku said. The baby in his arms bit down on his finger. "Yeeouch! It has teeth!"

"Wolf puppies teethe early," Shippou said. He tightened his grip on the squirming baby fox in his arms. Suddenly he was holding a mouse. Then a log with a bushy fox tail. The log hiccupped and turned back into a baby.

The bushes in front of them rustled.

"Quiet!" Sango ordered. She shifted the demon baby to one arm and reached back to grab Hiraikotsu.

A slender figure stepped onto the path in front of them. She had a charming, tomboyish air about her. Two white dog ears twitched on top of her head.

"Hi!" she chirped. Her long, white hair flopped into her eyes. She pushed it back. "I've been looking everywhere for you. Don't you remember me, Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha stared at her blankly. "No."

She smiled. "I'm your older/younger sister Megumi."

"You have a sister?" Kagome asked.

"I would remember if I had a sister," Inuyasha huffed. The pup he was holding shrieked louder.

"Ooooh!" Megumi cooed. "Is he yours? He looks just like you did as a pup. Let me hold him."

"Are you older or younger than Inuyasha?" Sango asked.

"Depends." Megumi laid the pup on the ground and changed his dirty diaper. "Right now I'm older. Next time I might be the long lost younger sister."

Shippou sidled closer to Miroku. "I bet she's a figment of the plot bunnies."

"Of course I am." Megumi bounced to her feet and handed the gurgling baby back to Inuyasha. "I'm a convenient plot device to beat some sense into my little brother and share embarrassing stories of when he was a pup."

She looked at Kagome. "I like you. Are you my brother's bitch?"

"Hey!" Kagome glowered. "What did you call me?"

"Is that offensive where you come from?" Megumi looked confused. "I was just asking if you were his mate--his woman. You smell like it."

Miroku felt a tug on his robe. He looked down into the smiling violet eyes of a small boy.

"Can we stop, Daddy? I'm hungry."

_Daddy?_ Miroku recoiled. The little boy wore a purple covering similar to his own on his right hand. A strand of prayer beads crossed his palm and wrapped around his small arm.

The boy looked at Sango. "What's for lunch, Mommy?"

Miroku grinned. "I knew it! I knew she'd say yes!"

Sango turned red. "He's not real! He's just a figment of the plot bunnies!"

"Don't you like me, Mommy?" The little boy's face crumpled. Tears filled his eyes.

"This isn't getting us anywhere!" Inuyasha yelled. "We need to get to Kaede's. She'll fix everything."

Kagome swayed slightly. "I don't feel so good."

"Now what?" Inuyasha grumbled. "It's bad enough that you change from human to hanyou and back every time someone sneezes. What's happening now?"

Kagome turned pale. "I'm going to puke!" She thrust the baby at Inuyasha and darted for a convenient clump of bushes.

Inuyasha tried to juggle two infants without dropping either one. He frowned worriedly at the vomiting Kagome. "Are you all right?"

Kagome turned around and wiped her mouth with a shaky hand. "I'm okay. It must have been something I ate."

Sango, Miroku, Shippou, and Inuyasha all stared at her.

Kagome frowned. "Okay. What's wrong this time? I didn't sprout a tail or horns or anything, did I?" She touched the top of her head, searching for any unusual growths.

"I think you need to cut back on the snacks, Kagome," Shippou piped up. "They're giving you a tummy bulge.

Horrified, Kagome glanced down at her waistline. Even as she watched, it swelled a little more, as if someone was inflating a beach ball inside of her.

"Congratulations, little brother," Megumi chirped. "Your mate is expecting."

"WHAT!"

Megumi ignored the shocked outcry from the group. She tapped a well-manicured claw against her chin thoughtfully. "That's assuming it _is_ Inuyasha's. Who knows, it could be Naraku's."

Kagome burst into tears. "I'm too young to be pregnant. They'll kick me out of school. I'll be ostracized forever."

Miroku walked over and laid a comforting arm over her shoulders. "Don't worry, Kagome. Kaede will fix everything. I'm sure we can find her before you experience the joy of childbirth."

"Thank you, Miroku." Kagome sniffed and gave him a watery smile. "You're very sweet. But that still doesn't give you any right to fondle my breast. Remove your hand before I rip it off and beat you with it."

Miroku jerked his hand away. Sango growled and grabbed Hiraikotsu.

Miroku flinched. "Be careful! I'm holding a baby!"

"Good point." Kagome calmly relieved the monk of his burden. "All right, Sango. Let him have it."

CRASH!

"Ouch! Sango, I—"

SWISH!

"Wait a—"

BONK!

"Let me explain! It's not my—"

THUD!

"Stupid plot bunnies," Miroku mumbled through a mouthful of dirt.

Inuyasha and Shippou snickered.

After Miroku dragged himself to his feet, they continued on their way. Miroku Jr. bounced around with twice the energy of a fox kit. He asked question after question without, apparently, needing to breathe.

"Can we stop, Inuyasha?" Kagome whined. "My feet hurt and I need to pee."

Inuyasha's ears, which had finally reappeared, flattened. "We just stopped five minutes ago. Can't you hold it?"

"No." Kagome pouted. "And I'm hungry. I want strawberries."

"We don't have any strawberries."

"But I want strawberries!"

Inuyasha growled and ignored her. The dog-eared baby, now a hefty toddler, gurgled and stuck his fingers in his mouth.

"Inuyaaasha, I want strawberries. If you loved me, you'd get them for me."

"I've got news for you, bitch," Inuyasha snapped. "I don't love you!"

Kagome's eyes filled with tears. She sniffled. "You don't?" she said in a small voice.

Inuyasha stopped as the first hint of salt hit the air. He growled and smacked his fist repeatedly against his forehead. "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"

A small whirlwind blew through the group and stopped in front of Kagome.

"Don't cry, Kagome," Kouga said, holding her hands with his. "What has dog turd done now? I'll happily beat him to a pulp for you."

"What are you doing here, Kouga?" Kagome asked.

"I was passing through and I caught your lovely scent on the breeze."

"Um, Kouga,"--Miroku handed the wolf baby to Sango and stepped forward--"have you noticed anything strange recently?"

Kouga scratched his head. "Stranger than the herd of pink bunnies that attacked me and my wolves?"

"They didn't bite you, did they?" Sango asked.

"If you could call those bites," Kouga scoffed. "More like nips."

"Oh, no," Shippou groaned.

Kouga finally noticed Kagome's belly. "What has he done to you?" He pulled her against him in a fierce hug. "Don't worry, my Kagome. We'll just have to relieve you of this mistake."

"Mistake?" Twin growls could be heard coming from Inuyasha and Kagome.

"I don't care if you've been defiled," Kouga continued. "I'll still take you as my mate and we will never speak of this again."

"That's very sweet, Kouga." Kagome smiled. "But I don't love you. I love Inuyasha."

"You're such a kind, forgiving girl." Kouga sighed. "Dog turd doesn't deserve your protection."

"Listen to me, Kouga. I'm staying with Inuyasha."

Kouga turned to Inuyasha. "Thanks for taking care of her for me, dog turd. But I'm taking her with me. Go play with your dead bitch." Inuyasha flattened his ears and growled.

"I. Don't. Love. You!" Kagome started to glow pink. "Are you thick between the ears or something?"

"You can't just take her," Sango said abruptly. Everyone turned to look at her. "Look at her." She indicated Kagome's swollen stomach.

Kouga frowned as he studied Kagome. "That could be a problem. I wouldn't want her to whelp while we were traveling."

"Exactly." Sango nodded. "Wait until the pup is born."

"All right," Kouga agreed. "But I'm coming with you. I have to keep an eye on my woman."

Inuyasha opened his mouth. Sango shot him a glare. He gulped and shut it.

Kouga walked on one side of Kagome, Inuyasha on the other. Shippou trailed behind them.

"Why?" Shippou whined. "I'm strong. I'm handsome. And I can change shape. Why won't you be my mate?"

"You're just a child," Kagome responded wearily.

"No, I'm not." Shippou threw out his chest and flexed his muscles. "I'm an adult now, remember?"

"Forget it, runt," Inuyasha growled. "Kagome's going to be my mate."

Kouga grabbed Kagome's arm. She stumbled. "She's mine!"

Inuyasha cracked his knuckles. "That does it! Let's fight for her here and now!"

The bushes to the side of the trail shivered. Sesshoumaru walked onto the trail, followed by Rin and Jaken.

"Big brother!" Megumi squealed.

"What do you want, Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha spun towards the older demon and drew his sword. It immediately transformed.

"Squabbling again like an ill-mannered pup?" Sesshoumaru asked, raising one well-shaped eyebrow. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Did you just come to make things worse?" Miroku asked. "Or do you have anything useful to contribute?"

"This Sesshoumaru is always useful." The demon stuck his nose in the air.

"What do you want?" Kagome sighed and rubbed her forehead.

"Rin needs a mother," Sesshoumaru announced. "I have decided to supply her with one."

"That's nice," Sango said slowly. "Do you have someone in mind?"

"I want the little miko."

**

* * *

Brought to you by Food for Thought, it's Phobia of the Week: **

Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.


	3. Chapter 3

_I'm getting ready to move soon in the next few weeks. Whole new state, whole new job. And I'm also going to be starting graduate school this fall. Just a friendly heads-up to say that I'm not sure when my next update will be on any of my stories._

_Enjoy the chapter!_

ATTACK OF THE PLUNNIES!

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha 

Inuyasha shoved Kagome behind him and pointed Tetsusaiga at Sesshoumaru. "You can't have her!"

"That's right," Kouga stated. "Kagome's going to be _my_ mate." He stood beside the hanyou with an air of smug confidence.

Inuyasha whipped around so fast that he almost knocked Kagome over. She eeped and edged away from the demons.

"She's mine!" Inuyasha grabbed the dog-eared toddler from Megumi with one hand. "We even have a pup! See?"

The baby cooed despite the clawed fist dangling him by his collar. Then he coughed and started turning blue.

"Shame on you, Inu-chan!" Megumi thumped Inuyasha on the side of the head. "The baby's not a kitten! You can't carry him by the scruff of the neck! He'll strangle!"

Inuyasha yelped and dropped the baby into Megumi's arms. He glared reproachfully at her.

Megumi grinned back.

"Don't worry," she said to the fussy toddler. "Daddy's just having a bad day."

"Don't call me 'Daddy'!" Inuyasha roared.

Kouga seized his chance. He snatched the ookami baby out of Miroku's arms. "I'm a daddy! Look! Yowch!" The baby latched onto Kouga's hand with his sharp little teeth.

"Me too!" Shippou piped up. He jiggled the kitsune kit. Inuyasha and Kouga turned identical daggered glares on him. Shippou winced. "Um. Never mind."

Sesshoumaru swept them all with a cool glance. "Fools." In one swift move, he appeared in front of Kagome. He grabbed her hands. She squeaked.

"Get your filthy hands off of her!" Inuyasha and Kouga growled at the same time.

Sesshoumaru stroked the back of Kagome's hand with his thumb. "You are the only woman worthy of this Sesshoumaru. You are as powerful as you are beautiful. Choose me and I will give you the moon and the stars." Smoldering passion flickered in his amber eyes. "Or I could start by just taking you to heaven."

Kagome blushed and tried to free her hands from the demon's grip. "That's very flattering, but I'm afraid you're under the influence of the plot bunnies. You don't know what you're saying."

"This Sesshoumaru cannot be influenced by girly pink rabbits. This Sesshoumaru wants… "He groaned and closed his eyes.

"Lord Sesshoumaru?" Kagome peered at the demon lord's face.

"I think I'm going to be sick."

"Yuck!" Kagome pulled free and retreated to stand by Miroku and Sango. The monk patted Kagome on the butt in the guise of comfort.

Kagome shrieked.

Hiraikotsu sliced through the air.

CRACK!

"It's not my fault!" Miroku rubbed the new lump on his head. "It's the plot bunnies!"

Sango smirked. "Sorry. It slipped."

Shippou stared at Kagome. "Weren't you pregnant a moment ago, Kagome?"

Kagome looked down at her stomach. It was flat again. "What happened?"

"Maybe you gave birth already?" the fox suggested.

"I think I'd remember something like that." She lifted her shirt a little and poked her stomach.

"Would you want to remember?" Sango asked. "I heard that it's really painful."

Kagome pouted. "That's not the point. I don't even remember how I _got_ pregnant!"

Miroku brightened. "That's the best part! I'll show you."

"No!" A miniature white-haired blur crashed into the monk. Miroku staggered.

Everybody stared.

"Who are _you_?" Sango asked. The little boy ignored her and growled at Miroku.

"Look!" Shippou pointed. "There's another one."

A little girl with black hair and black dog ears clung to Kagome's leg. The little boy had white hair and white dog ears.

"Do I know you?" Kagome asked at the same time Inuyasha strode over, snarling, "Let go of Kagome, you little brat!"

The little girl's eyes filled with tears. "Please don't fight, Daddy! It's bad!"

Inuyasha sweatdropped. "Not another one," he groaned. "Where did these two come from?"

The little boy glared at his sister. "Now you've done it," he hissed. "We weren't supposed to tell them. It could ruin everything!"

"Plot bunnies again." Kagome sighed. "All right, spill," she ordered.

The little boy shut his mouth and looked sulky.

"We're from the future," the little girl chirped. She stared up at Kagome with one brown eye and one blue eye. "I'm Kasha and this is my brother Yome. We were sent back in time to make sure you and Daddy don't do the thing that's going to destroy everything. And that you do the thing that's a good thing because it will make everything better."

Kouga scratched his head. "Did anybody understand _any_ of that?"

"And what thing would that be?" Miroku prompted.

Kasha shrugged. "I forget."

"What's going on?" Sesshoumaru demanded suddenly. "Why are you people here? Why am _I_ here?"

"You came to demand Kagome as your mate," Kouga said helpfully. "Of course Kagome is going to be my mate. You can have one of the other females. How about that one?" He pointed at Megumi. "She's even part dog."

"Ewww." Megumi wrinkled her nose. "He's my brother. I'm not into that. At least not in this story."

"I have no sister," Sesshoumaru stated. "And I would never stoop so low as to take a _human_ as my mate."

"What _d_o you remember?" Sango asked.

Sesshoumaru frowned at her. "This Sesshoumaru does not need to explain himself to a mere human." He looked away. "This Sesshoumaru remembers nothing after the pathetic swarm of pink bunnies."

Miroku looked intrigued. "Perhaps the effect is temporary after all."

"What a relief," Kagome said.

"Lord Sesshoumaru?"

"Not now, Rin," Sesshoumaru said.

"Rin feels funny."

The demon lord turned.

"Oh, my," said Kagome.

"Oh, no," groaned Jaken.

A very shapely, very naked Rin stood in the middle of the path. She examined her long slender hands. "Rin got big."

Sesshoumaru swallowed hard. Miroku stared. Kouga stared. Inuyasha stared despite the ominous grumblings coming from Kagome.

Sango removed her kimono, leaving only her armor underneath. She wrapped it around Rin, ignoring the disappointed groans from the guys.

"I'm sorry, my lord." Rin looked up. Tears shimmered in her big brown eyes. "I didn't mean to grow." She took a deep breath. All of the male eyes fixated on her chest. "Can you forgive me?"

"I forgive you," Sesshoumaru mumbled absently. "And I like you big. I want to mark you. I want to make you mine forever."

Rin colored. "Really, my lord?"

"Definitely. You have a very pleasing scent, Rin. Let's make some pups."

"Oh! Sesshoumaru!"

"Oh, my!" Kagome clapped her hands over the eyes of Kasha and Yome. Sango turned red and grabbed Miroku Jr.

"Hold it right there, Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha barked.

"Why?"

"Because!" Inuyasha flattened his ears. "This is not the way the Demon Lord of the West should behave."

"Very well." Sesshoumaru removed his hand from under Rin's kimono. The other one, which had regenerated unnoticed, he used to caress the love bites on the girl's neck.

Inuyasha glared impartially at the other members of the group. "Let's get to Kaede's before something worse happens."

"You always were bright for a hanyou," Sesshoumaru remarked. "That's why Father wanted me to look after you."

Inuyasha froze and cocked an ear.

"I had to make you strong. Into someone worthy of our father's bloodline. Into someone I would be proud to call my brother."

Inuyasha turned slowly. "What are you talking about?"

"You're my brother, Inuyasha." The demon lord flung his arms around the hanyou. "I love you!"

"Awwww!" sighed Megumi. "I knew they would make up. The plot bunnies haven't let me down yet."

"Let go!" Inuyasha shouted. "Letgoletgoletgo!"

Sesshoumaru moved his hands south and squeezed. "Besides, you have the cutest butt! And those ears are just too adorable!"

Miroku snickered. "I didn't know you swung that way, Inuyasha. And here I thought you were just repressed."

"I'll show you repressed!" Inuyasha glared at the monk. "I am one hundred percent NOT THAT WAY! Now get him off me!"

The two brothers were pried apart. Everyone resumed walking.

"Sesshoumaru, will you stop molesting Rin? It's distracting."

"You're no fun, Inuyasha. Why don't you give in and hump your own bitch. I know you want to."

"Don't stop them, Inuyasha. This is very educational. I didn't even know you could do that while walking. We should try that, Sango."

"PERVERT!" SMACK!

Inuyasha stopped suddenly. Kagome walked into him, and Kouga walked into her.

"Ow." Kagome rubbed her sore nose. "Next time, tell me when you're going to stop."

"Quiet!" Inuyasha hissed. His ears flicked forward and then back. "We're being followed."

Shippou shut his eyes. "None of this is happening," he chanted. "It's not real. They're only plot bunnies. Everything's fine. When I open my eyes everything will be back to normal."

Sesshoumaru stopped nibbling on Rin's collarbone long enough to raise his head and take a few deep sniffs. "It's human. Nothing to worry about."

The bushes rustled.

Everyone slowly drew together into a tight group.

A young woman stepped onto the path. Her waist-length blonde hair swished when she walked.

"Hi," she said brightly. She smoothed the skirt that just barely covered her butt.

"Hello," Kouga mumbled without taking his eyes off of her incredibly long legs.

"Welcome," said Miroku. His eyes remained about the level of her chest. Two pieces of cloth--not even big enough to be called a thong--cradled her impressive breasts. "I grope—_hope_—you are staying for a while."

"Her stomach's flatter than yours, Kagome," Inuyasha remarked.

"Are you saying that I'm FAT?" Twin flames burned in Kagome's eyes.

Inuyasha cringed. "What? No! Her stomach just looks flatter 'cause her chest is bigger!"

"Now you're saying I'm flat?" Kagome yelled. "Osuwari!"

WHAM!

"Ow! That hurt, you psychotic bitch!"

"OsuwariOsuwariOsuwariOsuwariOsuwari!"

"Oooh, look at the pretty pink bunnies." Inuyasha blinked and shook his head. "This just isn't my day."

The mysterious woman giggled. Miroku's eyes got wider and drool appeared at the corner of his mouth.

Sango grabbed the monk's ear and twisted.

"I was just looking, Sango! I wasn't going to touch! I swear! You're the only woman for me. We even have a kid. Doesn't that mean anything?"

Sango twisted harder. "That won't work, monk. Kagome's human kid happens to look a lot like you! I know you! You chase anything on two legs."

Not true! I draw the line at old and wrinkled!"

"Who are you?" Kagome demanded of the woman.

"Me? I'm Mary Sue. I'm perfect."

Jaken frowned. "You can't be perfect. Only Lord Sesshoumaru is perfect."

"But I'm Mary Sue. I have a perfect body. I get perfect grades in school. I'm perfectly nice and kind and everyone's best friend. I know karate and ninjitsu and self-defense, and I even have my own sword. I can speak to animals and feel the pain of the trees. I never eat meat, but I'm the best hunter you'll ever see. My arrows always find their mark. Without me, you'll never gather all of the Shikon shards or defeat Naraku." She took a deep breath. The cloth over her breasts strained. The boys' eyes nearly bugged out of their heads. "I'm perfect."

"You're not perfect!" Kagome yelled. "Nobody is perfect! You're just a figment of the plot bunnies!"

"You're being unreasonable, Kagome." Inuyasha pried himself out of his crater. He shook the dirt out of his ears. "Mary Sue is always perfect. Everybody knows that."

"_I'm_ being unreasonable?" Kagome's voice rose several octaves. "Look here, you—"

The bushes rustled.

**

* * *

Phobia of the week: **Cyberphobia **–** Fear of computers or working on a computer. 


End file.
